Steven Seagal - Movie Script

You have no talent? You want to make a movie, and have a cast with at least Hollywoods rated "D" stars? Have no fear, because Steven Seagal is here.

If you are interested in making a movie for Steven Seagal, all you need to do is make a script following these 10 simple rules:

1) Seagal is in a dojo somewhere jacking off
2) Seagal has an ethnic name
3) Some ninja's kill Seagal's wife/ex-wife/girlfriend/love interest
4) Seagal pairs up with the minority of the month (flavor of the month), in this day and age, it might be someone who is homo sexual
5) The boss ninja threatens Seagal once he knows Seagal has paired with the minority of the month
6) Seagal kills alot of random ninjas using McGyver like weaponry, i.e. a credit card, billiard sticks, a cell phone, you name it
7) Seagal meets a new love interest. In todays day and age, it might actually be the minority of the month, like broke-back mountain.
8) Seagal breaks into the boss ninja's fortress killing everyone with a credit card, with no range of motion (like Zangief from Street Fighter II)
9) Seagal has some sort of epiphany-like moment, in trying to negotiate with the boss ninja
10) Seagal kills the boss ninja, everyone is happy

And voila, another Steven Seagal script in the works