Friday, February 01, 2008

South Ossetia – The Caucasian Montenegro?

The right to national self-determination is a fundamental right that must be balanced with the effects it would have with all directly affected. This is the only road to a peaceful solution based on the equality between peoples. It is this principle that must prevail in the dispute between South Ossetia and Georgia.

The strategy that should be used in this dispute is the strategy used between Montenegro and Yugoslavia. It would transform South Ossetia and Georgia into a confederation of two equal states, characterized as a "joint state." If South Ossetian demands for increased autonomy are not met, South Ossetia could hold a referendum on independence from Georgia.

South Ossetia was an Autonomous-Oblast in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. It is a region inhabited by Ossetians, an ethnic group with a distinct culture, and language. Amidst the disintegrating Soviet Union, South Ossetia declared independence from Georgia in 1992. The fear motivating the Ossetians to secede were Georgian requirements that Georgian was to be the only official language, effectively muting the Ossetian identity. After an armed confrontation with Georgia, South Ossetia remains in a frozen conflict, a de facto state that is fully self-governing, and without the vestiges of independence.

The International Court of Justice recognizes the right to self-determination as "a right held by people rather than a right held by governments alone." The Canadian Supreme Court, in referring to Quebec's quest for unitary secession from Canada, stated separation would be legal only "where 'a people' is denied any meaningful exercise of its right to self-determination within the state of which it forms a part." The Canadian Supreme Court stated this opinion balancing both the right to self-determination, and the widely accepted principle of territorial integrity.

It is clear South Ossetia has every legal right to pursue self-determination. The "Ossetian people" decided they want statehood. Furthermore, it is also evident that the Ossetian people were effectively being "denied any meaningful exercise of self-determination" within Georgia when their language was pushed aside.

Possessing the right of self-determination is a legal question, while accomplishing self-determination is a question of power and diplomacy.

Georgia is a key transit point in the recent Central Asian oil boom, being the central hub of the Baku-Tiblisi-Ceyhan pipeline. Its relations with Russia are poor over military base closures, and allowing NATO forces on its territory. Georgia has ethnically diverse provinces, each having problems with the central Georgian government about their identities. Ossetian independence would encourage minorities in Abkhazia, Ajaria and Akhalkalai to seek their own sovereignty, with Russian (fueling independent tendencies) and Western (promoting stability to prevent oil-transit stoppages) interests directly competing with each other, potentially leading to complete civil war.

However, practical fears of governments should never influence the normative ideologies breathing life into international law. Therefore, a joint-state solution would be ideal in this conflict in order to ensure unnecessary violence that would erupt with immediate South Ossetian independence, and to prevent a xenophobic central government purposefully watering down separate ethnic identities.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Steven Seagal - Movie Script

You have no talent? You want to make a movie, and have a cast with at least Hollywoods rated "D" stars? Have no fear, because Steven Seagal is here.

If you are interested in making a movie for Steven Seagal, all you need to do is make a script following these 10 simple rules:

1) Seagal is in a dojo somewhere jacking off
2) Seagal has an ethnic name
3) Some ninja's kill Seagal's wife/ex-wife/girlfriend/love interest
4) Seagal pairs up with the minority of the month (flavor of the month), in this day and age, it might be someone who is homo sexual
5) The boss ninja threatens Seagal once he knows Seagal has paired with the minority of the month
6) Seagal kills alot of random ninjas using McGyver like weaponry, i.e. a credit card, billiard sticks, a cell phone, you name it
7) Seagal meets a new love interest. In todays day and age, it might actually be the minority of the month, like broke-back mountain.
8) Seagal breaks into the boss ninja's fortress killing everyone with a credit card, with no range of motion (like Zangief from Street Fighter II)
9) Seagal has some sort of epiphany-like moment, in trying to negotiate with the boss ninja
10) Seagal kills the boss ninja, everyone is happy

And voila, another Steven Seagal script in the works

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Great Pious Labours Bum School

It was around this time two summers ago when Pious Labours, and I were discussing things over a hot cup of coffee at the local Tim Hortons establishment, when Pious Labours relayed the story of how a homeless individual approached and tried to borrow $20. At the time, Pious Labours was masking a beard, employed as a prestigious Research Assistant, working downtown Toronto, and just generally "living the life" so to speak.

As the homeless man approached Pious Labours, his sheer magnetism kept Pious Labours entrenched to where he was on that fateful day by Yonge and Bloor. Pious Labours was mesmerized by the tales and regalia the homeless man was relating. At one point, as the homeless individual recounted his business plan to Pious Labours, where Pious Labours would lend him $20, and would be repaid $500 the very next day, the homeless man uttered "You deserve$500."

Pious Labours, not being a man of patience did not delve further into this topic, but, it was that point in time that this great youth had an epiphany, like a crystal bullet shooting into the center of his mind, clarifying his world: What if the government of Canada set up a school of etiquette for the homeless!!!

No longer would homeless people walk aimlessly around the streets, in raggity clothing, and vagabond-like goals of mischief, mayham, and nonsense. The government of Canada would train these "miscreants" to properly address passers-by on how to ask for loose pocket change, what street chemicals would make fine deodorant to wash away urine soaked clothing, and to provide the homeless with beard-brushes, so they can look their bestas they engage in that most noble of professions; pan-handling.

I am fortunate to have heard the Great Pious Labours recount this idea, and pray that this noble individal's idea comes to fruition.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Res Ipsa Loquitor (yes, i know, everyone else uses this title)

Al-Rahim's ''Mr. Arab''

Posted Aug 11, 2005

Egyptian singer, political commentator and master of the mixed metaphor. Meet Al-Rahim!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Facebook, Myspace, Hi5, and just about every other program like this Sucks

Ok, Facebook, Myspace, Hi5, and every other stupid "friend" accumulator site sucks ass. I have no idea why people are infatuated with these sites other then the fact that it allows someone a morbidly stalkerish pleasure in looking at someone else's private life, documenting what that person does or, in some guys, looking for pictures to pleasure one's self. On the other side, it allows attention deprived sickos a forum to let strangers veer into their private lives, all in the hope that they know that "someone cares" about them, when in fact, it is just the opposite where no one gives a shit about that attention-deprived individual, but rather, want to know who that person knows, and how "hot" their friends are.

Then, there is the ultimate insanity of these programs where a select few people will add thousands upon thousands of people on their facebook accounts, all on some overwhelming quest to prove to themselves, and the world, that they are really popular. If they were so damn popular, why are they spending all their damn time adding people on facebook, instead of going out and doing something?????????

Finally, I have recently heard this from a very reliable source, (a great youth named PL), that these programs are in fact government sponsored websites, made in the pursuit of monitoring our every move!!!!!!!!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Graduate Programs - The missions of the people in them

English PhD's... their sole mission in life is to deconstruct literary works, and insert some form of sick, sexual and perverted reasoning as to why an author inserted one particular article over another particular article before a noun/verb/pronoun/adverb...

Law students... their sole mission in life is to engage in a sycophantic discourse with others who did not do as well in their sociology, "international business"/politics/english/history, "drama" or other nonsensical course like ebonics that was offerred at university, all in a sick and perverse way of making themselves feel superior, when in fact they are not, and they know they are not, especially when a plumber will make more.

Medical Students... their sole mission in life is to talk to girls who could be their next malpractice suit waiting to hapen, and meeting potential lawyers to defend them of their sick and twisted perversions which got them in trouble in the first place. (Jay Lee would enjoy)

MBA students... their sole mission in life is to talk with other MBA's about the next "hot deal" that is going down in wall-street, wear golf shirts to a bar, and try to "mack" the ladies. Unfortunately, these people have no sick perversions, as their personality type is that of a castrated goat, with no sense of originality, comedy, or anything else remotely interesting.

Science MA's... their sole mission in life is to do something in life related in the sciences because a) they couldn't get into med school; and b) no one will hire you with a bachelors in science. Their sick perversions come from an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that they could not get to med school, especially when some of the people who did get there are complete morons, and they will try to take pleasure in upstaging medical professionals in the future by documenting that medical doctors impropriety with a patient, and making a psychological analysis on it.

History PhD's... See above with regards toEnglish PhD's, only not as creative.

Teacher's College Students... Generally too dimwitted to get into another type of graduate school, and have a sick fantasy of fulfilling their childhood fantasis of banging a grade schooler/ other student, that they decide this is the profession to pursue, and take advantage of the teacher-student relationship.

Computer Science MA's... I have no idea what the fuck the angle of these people are. ALl I can tell is that they are normally fat and bald, without a creative thought in their mind (Really talented computer geeks don't do MA's in computer science). Their sick perversion is to experience the fruits of Engineering/Physics MA labors.

Engineering/Physics MA students... Joke about engineers. If a girl is lonely on Friday night, what should she do? Call an engineer. This truth has not been lost on Engineering and physics students as it is their ultimate goal in life to create enormous wind tunnels where they would sit on their hands in this wind tunnel, the G forces in this wind tunnel would cause their hands to become numb, and where these students would then use their numb hands in giving themselves a stranger (masterbating with a numb hand in the hopes that it feels like someone else is giving a hand-job). Computer Science MA's are normally the first to try this out.

Econometric Grad Students... Their sole mission in life is to prove that they are as geeky as their engineering/physics grad students, well-versed in bull-shitting as their law-student counterparts, and as current with the "next big deal" as their MBA counterparts that they suffer an acute form of schizophrenia.


Friday, June 29, 2007

The NBA Draft

Ok, Wow... Makes me wish for the first time in a long time I owned a TV. Also, on a side issue, the NBA Draft is becoming more exciting then the NBA Finals, which, coinicidentally, the NBA Draft's main purpose is to help teams win an NBA Chanpionship.

Zach Randolph to the Knicks: Great move for the Knicks. Their team is totally loaded with Starbury, Curry, Z-Bo, a whole bunch of all-star calibre role players, and Isaiah Thomas, the baddest coach who knows the importance of team dynamics. Zach Randolph leaves the Trail Blazers, leaving Darius Miles as the last remaining Jail Blazer.

Ray Allen to the Celts: Great move for Seattle. They get the #5 player, and get to restart building. Boston? Well, it is a decent move in that Allen will get to spread the floor for their young players, and provides veteran leadership to teach professionalism, and how to win for the youngest team in the NBA.

Jason Richardson to the Bobcats: Don't like this move for Charlotte because it eats up their capspace, and does not provide them with a proven winner. Like this move for the Golden State Warriors because it reduces cap space, gives them a versatile rookie who plays their coaches system.

The Phoenix Suns: A big "meh." Had a few picks, but did nothing to immidiately improve their team. It seems like ownerships main goal is to provide a competitive team that does not go over the salary cap, and thus paying a tax.

The Chicago Bulls: Their team is extremely well built. Adding Joakuim Noah helps to alleviate the loss of Tyson Chandler, provides a break for Ben Wallace, and is a much better player then Tyrus Thomas, who does not seem to have enough basketball knowledge to warrant being a #4 pick (weak 2006 draft class), and relies too much on athleticism on a Chicago Bulls team that is built on team fundamentals, and a collective knowledge.

The Lakers: Enough said.... Well, maybe they can convince Kobe that Marc Gasol (48th pick) is actually Pau Gasol.

The Actual Draft: Pretty much went as expected in terms of the order of the picks. No real surprises. Can't wait for next years yahoo fantasy. I will look at Oden, Durant, Conley Jr., and maybe Corey Brewer as guys to contribute. The rest would be surprising.